Monday, February 19, 2007

Taking it all in stride...

So, there is life after (insert name of totally damaging and toxic former work place here). I realized today that there was definitely life before and there is increasingly life after, it was the in between that was in question. It was the soul sucking tenure I had there that made me question everything.

Now, I get to see and talk to my friends. Now, I get to hang out with my kids. Now, I get to have free time to devote to thinking about what’s for dinner. Now, I get to be me. With no ridicule or mitigation. No explanation needed.

Of course who that is morphs on a daily basis, I’m worse than my kids most days. ‘Tis the gift of a Gemini I suppose.

I have this new found sense of freedom that is actually quite lovely. I’ve never just let myself be in this way, professionally that is. I’ve always been thinking about what’s next. What job, what client, what project, what’s next. But I’m making myself slow down and really take inventory and figure out what’s REALLY next. What do I WANT to be next? There’s a big difference for me between what comes next and what I want to be next. For the last 12 years I’ve just been doing what comes next. Go to college. Go to class. Put on large overachiever hat. Graduate college. Go to grad school. Go to work. Work way up career ladder. Hit top rung before turning 30. Have top rung break and stab you in back on way down. Hit ground, get up, dust off and start again.

I must sound bitter. I guess I am to some extent. But mostly, I’m trying to look at all of this through my lens of sarcasm on my way to learning whatever it is I’m supposed to be learning. It’s this lens that keeps me sane most days. Or at least allows me to take it in stride.

Right now my stride includes hopefully being the next food critic for our newspaper, continuing to get ready to start applying for grad schools, spending time with my family, trying to figure out how to travel more this year while not plunging my family into financial dire straits, reconnecting with friends, reconnecting with music and other things that feed my soul, and getting more physically healthy.

Not bad for a girl’s stride right now. Not bad at all…