Monday, June 02, 2008

And more with the next...

The CT results were totally normal. YEA!!

But because his emotional stuff is getting worse by the day and now he's started having pain and some loss of muscle control in his leg, the doc recommended an EEG followed by a consult with a pediatric neurologist.

The EEG is scheduled for two weeks from now. The consult is the next week after that.

So here I am, still not knowing much other than something is wrong with my boy because he's just not him. He has amazing moments where he's there, beautiful and perfect and so totally him. And just as quickly, he can be gone into anger or tears. An example? He smacked his sister for following him around. He hasn't intentionally hit someone for more than a year now.

So here I am. Worried. Trying not to think about it. Tired of talking about it. Wishing that there was something I could do for all of us to lessen the anxiety and increase the distraction. Wishing that I didn't feel quite so isolated, but at the same time knowing that is mostly of my own doing.

And at the same time, I am counting down the days until my two children go visit my parents for five days. Because I haven't had a break of more than an hour or two for almost 10 months. Because the past 6 months have been some of the hardest of my life and I just don't know how much longer I can do this daily grind. Not like I have a choice. And I don't really want one, because even if I had one, I wouldn't opt out of this life and everything that goes with it. I just need a break.

Anyway...just thought I'd update and get some of this out of my head stream of consciousness style. I'll be back soon, hopefully with something a bit more upbeat and fancy.


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